My body flinches as my Mother laughs while she carelessly cleans and says she has OCD. The words drum against my skull as I remember disinfecting tables all night and day and washing my hands until they were bloody raw and counting until exactly one hundred, one thousand, and ten thousand and showering twice a day and wiping counters until they were spotless and rinsing my skin until it was crystal and refusing to walk in my parent’s room for the inevitable fear of germs.

My stomach twists in a knot when my Mother tells me that the girl with golden hair has anorexia just because her frame is small. I can feel my heart beat speed up as I think of all the days and nights I spent counting calories and throwing away napkins and closing my eyes as I threw away my happiness and my bed sheets were thicker than my skin and my hands were colder than the winter mornings I spent writing on my pillowcase.

My hands shake as my Mother hastily says she had depression. My head pounds as I think of all the mornings I spent wondering what kind of knot to tie and the night I planned which knife I could use with bottles filled of pills more full than my eyes and I think of all the dull blades and empty dreams that filled my soul when I just wanted to find a reason to live that was never real.

My nails are raw by the time my Father says that mental illnesses are not real. Blood drips from my chapped lips from all the words I wish I could say. From all the souls I have met that have battled everything and even more than I have and all the broken smiles and there are days when I want to give up and my wrists break from all the heavy sins I carry and I know their souls are still trying to breathe even when the air is so thick that we suffocate on broken sentences trying to scream that they are real. Oh god, they are real.

All those years I spent washing until my hands were bloody raw and my bones were as sharp as my knives and they told me I was going crazy. (via dollpoetry)

(via thepeaceofmindinevergot)

100 Reasons to Stay Alive~
Just a friendly reminder in case you had forgotten all of the wonderful little things that makes life worth the struggle~

Wrote up this list as an additional page on my blog and will be adding more as time goes on. If you have any suggestions you want to see on this list, feel free to message me. 

Life is worth it. 
I love you.

(via becomingsydney)


I’m sick of magical worlds with no technology. I want fairy run coffee shops where you can get a latte with a shot of charisma, because you’ve got a big presentation you’re worried about, or witches working at Apple selling phones that automatically appear in your pocket if you accidentally leave it somewhere, or psychics running hair salons who always know how you want your hair to look, or aura reader therapists. I just really want normalized magic in modern society

(via blink-fivesos)